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The Big Club

Last week in London, Sir Simon Wessely, President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said Prince Harry “has achieved more good than I have in 25 years. He’s an incredibly powerful role model and has a reach we can only dream of.”

I had never given much thought to Prince Harry. When my eyes glazed over his photo on the cover of some magazine while waiting in the checkout que, my thoughts (if I had any) had little to do with the good he would eventually do for mental health.

All that changed when in an interview with Bryony Gordon of the Daily Telegraph newspaper Harry described his inner life after the death of his mother in a tunnel in France when he was twelve. From that time one of the most privileged children in the world internalised a grief that caused mental “chaos”, aggression, near “breakdown” on several occasions, as well as becoming “a problem” for himself and others throughout his twenties. He developed an impulse towards violence which found an outlet in boxing, but, he said, he was in a "good place" now because of the "process I have been through". The essence of that process was talking to friends and professionals, including, “a couple of times”, a psychiatrist. The timing must be right for you, but when you do talk you realise you’re “part of a … big club”, one whose membership he reckoned to be “one in four.”

Not knowing how to help people in mental distress can paralyse us from making the attempt. I have been an onlooker for most of my life, not merely not knowing how to help, but worried that if I did try to help, I would only make things worse for them. But what I have learnt is that the attempt, sensitive only to the other’s needs, has to be made – without it the only likelihood is that nothing will improve.

For Prince Harry the path to equanimity only really began when he became a member of the club of those who articulate their grief, anger, solitude or whatever form their anguish takes. There is always a reluctance to do so, however; and Harry makes clear that this is where his brother was vital for him: William insisted that it could not be good never to talk about such things, and without him, Harry believes he would still be where he was for all those years of chaos. Of course, not everyone has a brother or sister, or family member willing or able to do the job. And for that reason we need to change the wider culture, so that there are instigators of personal change, and mentors who are willing to encourage the one in four who belong to the Big Club, and begin the return to mental health.

Jackie O’Connor

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The Big Club

Last week in London, Sir Simon Wessely, President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said Prince Harry “has achieved more good than I have in 25 years. He’s an incredibly powerful role model and has a reach we can only dream of.”

I had never given much thought to Prince Harry. When my eyes glazed over his photo on the cover of some magazine while waiting in the checkout que, my thoughts (if I had any) had little to do with the good he would eventually do for mental health.

All that changed when in an interview with Bryony Gordon of the Daily Telegraph newspaper Harry described his inner life after the death of his mother in a tunnel in France when he was twelve. From that time one of the most privileged children in the world internalised a grief that caused mental “chaos”, aggression, near “breakdown” on several occasions, as well as becoming “a problem” for himself and others throughout his twenties. He developed an impulse towards violence which found an outlet in boxing, but, he said, he was in a "good place" now because of the "process I have been through". The essence of that process was talking to friends and professionals, including, “a couple of times”, a psychiatrist. The timing must be right for you, but when you do talk you realise you’re “part of a … big club”, one whose membership he reckoned to be “one in four.”

Not knowing how to help people in mental distress can paralyse us from making the attempt. I have been an onlooker for most of my life, not merely not knowing how to help, but worried that if I did try to help, I would only make things worse for them. But what I have learnt is that the attempt, sensitive only to the other’s needs, has to be made – without it the only likelihood is that nothing will improve.

For Prince Harry the path to equanimity only really began when he became a member of the club of those who articulate their grief, anger, solitude or whatever form their anguish takes. There is always a reluctance to do so, however; and Harry makes clear that this is where his brother was vital for him: William insisted that it could not be good never to talk about such things, and without him, Harry believes he would still be where he was for all those years of chaos. Of course, not everyone has a brother or sister, or family member willing or able to do the job. And for that reason we need to change the wider culture, so that there are instigators of personal change, and mentors who are willing to encourage the one in four who belong to the Big Club, and begin the return to mental health.

Jackie O’Connor

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The Big Club

Last week in London, Sir Simon Wessely, President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said Prince Harry “has achieved more good than I have in 25 years. He’s an incredibly powerful role model and has a reach we can only dream of.”

I had never given much thought to Prince Harry. When my eyes glazed over his photo on the cover of some magazine while waiting in the checkout que, my thoughts (if I had any) had little to do with the good he would eventually do for mental health.

All that changed when in an interview with Bryony Gordon of the Daily Telegraph newspaper Harry described his inner life after the death of his mother in a tunnel in France when he was twelve. From that time one of the most privileged children in the world internalised a grief that caused mental “chaos”, aggression, near “breakdown” on several occasions, as well as becoming “a problem” for himself and others throughout his twenties. He developed an impulse towards violence which found an outlet in boxing, but, he said, he was in a "good place" now because of the "process I have been through". The essence of that process was talking to friends and professionals, including, “a couple of times”, a psychiatrist. The timing must be right for you, but when you do talk you realise you’re “part of a … big club”, one whose membership he reckoned to be “one in four.”

Not knowing how to help people in mental distress can paralyse us from making the attempt. I have been an onlooker for most of my life, not merely not knowing how to help, but worried that if I did try to help, I would only make things worse for them. But what I have learnt is that the attempt, sensitive only to the other’s needs, has to be made – without it the only likelihood is that nothing will improve.

For Prince Harry the path to equanimity only really began when he became a member of the club of those who articulate their grief, anger, solitude or whatever form their anguish takes. There is always a reluctance to do so, however; and Harry makes clear that this is where his brother was vital for him: William insisted that it could not be good never to talk about such things, and without him, Harry believes he would still be where he was for all those years of chaos. Of course, not everyone has a brother or sister, or family member willing or able to do the job. And for that reason we need to change the wider culture, so that there are instigators of personal change, and mentors who are willing to encourage the one in four who belong to the Big Club, and begin the return to mental health.

Jackie O’Connor

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